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by missbeeb on 21 October 2008 - 14:10
Should children witness childbirth?
Due to a power cut, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3 year old girl to hold a torch over her Mummy so that he could see while he delivered the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and eventually... Connor was born!
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide eyed 3 year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place, smack his ass again!"
by missbeeb on 21 October 2008 - 15:10
ED ZACHARY DISEASE!
A woman was very distraught because she had not had a date for some time. Afraid that she might have something wrong with her, she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her Doctor recommended Dr Wang, a well known Chinese sex therapist.
She went to see him. Upon entering the examination room, Dr Wang took one look at her and said, OK take off awwww your crows." She quickly did so and stood naked before him. "Now," said Wang, "get dow on knees an craw reery reery fass away from me to uvver side of woom." Having done that Dr Wang said, "OK, now tun awound an craw reery reery fass to me." Once again, she obliged.
Dr Wang shook his head, "OK you probrem veywe veywe bad, you have Ed Zachary Disease... woss case I ever see, dat why you no have dates."
Confused, the woman asked, "What is Ed Zachery Disease?" Wang replied, "It when your face look Ed Zachary rike your ass!"
by funky munky on 21 October 2008 - 17:10
Two good ones Missbeeb,i nearly had an accident laughing at the second one!!!! liz
by tigermouse on 21 October 2008 - 17:10
Two guys were walking their dogs and came across a bar. Since they were hot and tired from walking the dogs they decided to go in and have a drink. Unfortunately, the bar didn't allow dogs. There was no place to safely secure the dogs, so they started thinking of ideas to get in the bar. Then one of the guys had an idea.
"Just watch me and follow my lead," he said.
He walked into the bar with his dog and the bartender stopped and said to him, "I'm sorry but I can't let you in here."
The guy looked at the bartender and asked, "Why not?"
The bartender replied, "Well, we don't allow dogs into the bar."
"But this is my guide dog," the guy said.
"Oh, I'm sorry sir come on in, and by the way, nice golden retriever."
The guy went into the bar and the second guy walked in with his dog. The bartender stopped him and told him he can't let him in. When asked why not the bartender replied that you cannot have dogs in his bar.
"But this is my guide dog," said the second guy.
The bartender looked at the man and then looked at the dog. After a while he said, "Sir, ah... um... a Chihuahua?"
The man looked a little puzzled and then said, "What? The bastards gave me a Chihuahua?"
by BRADY BEE on 22 October 2008 - 13:10
woman goes to the doctor with some lettuce stuck up her arse.
Doctor says "bend over, lets have a look"
Doctor says "Oh yes---it's just the tip of the iceberg"
by missbeeb on 22 October 2008 - 14:10
Brady Bee, eeyeew! LOL.
Working people often ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.
Well, for example, the other day my husband and I went to Taunton and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 mins. When we came out, there was a Police Constable writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi turd. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres!
So, my husband called him a sh*thead. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windscreen with the first one. Then he started writing a third ticket!! This went on for about 20 mins. The more we abused him... the more tickets he wrote!
Personally, we didn't care......... We came to town by bus!
We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired. It's important at our age!
by BRADY BEE on 22 October 2008 - 15:10
LOL very good !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by BRADY BEE on 22 October 2008 - 15:10
LOL Missbeeb
Just me and my Shadow--- I like that song LOL
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