OT... Need a laugh? - Page 2

An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.   As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. 

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" 

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending  fences...   I guess I am," replied the cowboy. 

After a short while he asked her what she was. 

"I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian.   I spend my whole day thinking about women.   As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I  eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women," said the young woman. 

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. 

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" 

That's funny!

love the cowboy joke!

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman,
"I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."
"Do you think it will work?" she asks.
"It's worth a try." he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.
After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this.".
"What?" asks the priest, "what happened?".
"You gave birth to a child!".
"But that's impossible!" says the priest.
"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."
About fifteen years go by, and the priest realises he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says,
"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says,
"What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies,
"I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.".

A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof.  So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for "Bear Removers." 

He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes. 

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van.  He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. 

"What are you going to do," the homeowner asks? 

"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat.  When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.  The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van." 

He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. 

"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner. 

2 Arabs are opening a shop in Jerusalem, just as they've finished decorating, they see an old Jewish chap peering through the window... annoyed, the Arabs both agree to take the P*** out of the Jew if he comes in.

Sure enough, the old Jew goes into the shop, looks around and says, "vell you have decorated but vot are you selling here?

"Arseholes," say the Arabs!

The old Jew replies, "Arseholes?  Vell you have done so vell already, only 2 left!"

missbeeb,i'm still laughing,lol. loved the cowboy joke too,keepthefaith.This thread is soooooo refreshing,for a change,keep em comin' liz

Only in America....can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in America....are there handicap parking spaces in front of a skating rink.

Only in America....do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy their cigarettes at the front.

Only in America....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in America....do banks leave both doors open and then chain pens to the counter.

Only in America....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America....do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and hot dog buns in packages of eight.

Only in America....do we have drive up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Only in America....do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "poli" in latin meaning 'many' and "tics" meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

To funny. Thanks

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count.   The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.

The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on the previous day.

 The doctor asked what happened and the man explains:  "Well, doc, it's like this:  First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing.   Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.”

 “Then I asked my wife for help.   She tried with her right hand, with nothing.   Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing.”

 “We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."

 "The doctor was shocked!   "You asked your neighbor?"

 The old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"