Favorite Dog Jokes - Page 1

Do you have one? Here's mine: Question: What do call someone who is an insomniac, dyslexic and agnostic? Answer: Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a DOG. ;-) Deb

I just read this one: Whaddayaget if you cross a cocker x poodle x dobermann? A COCKADOODLEDO

I just got an absolutely gorgeous solid black female pup for my husband. Best trade I ever made :-) Sue

Help Wanted A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer." The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."

OK here goes... forgive me but you will laugh. 2 ol boys sittin on the porch drinkin some iced tea after a long day in the fields. the old dog trots up onto the porch lays down and begins to lick that favorite part of "HIS" anatomy, the one fella says to the other "geez I wish I could do that" the other fella says well you could try but that darn ol ker just might bite ya. Sue that's the best one I've ever heard !!!! ROFL

A burglar is sneaking through this house one night, when out of the darkness comes a voice, "I can see you and so can Jesus". The burglar freezes in his tracks and is too frightened to move. After ten minutes, nothing has happened so he moves forward. Again from the darkness comes the voice, "I can see you and so can Jesus". The burglar is petrified and too frightened to move a muscle. After thirty minutes, he decides that he has to do something. He backs very slowly and tentatively to the wall and feels around for a light switch. He switches on the light and there in front of him, sitting in a cage, is a cockatoo who says, "I can see you and so can Jesus". Greatly relieved, the burglar sighs, "It's just a cocky". The cocky looks at the burglar and says, "I might be just a cocky but Jesus is a big German Shepherd".

OMG...don't even get me started on my "why dogs are better then men jokes". ROFL

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public. Dogs miss you when you're gone. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong. Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with. Dogs don't criticize your friends. Dogs admit when they're jealous. Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw). Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you're together. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence. You can train a dog. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies. You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams. Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the *really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.) Dogs understand what "no" means. Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization. Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside. Dogs think you are a culinary genius. You can house train a dog. You can force a dog to take a bath. Dogs don't correct your stories. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner. Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair. Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair. Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving. Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake. Dogs admit it when they're lost. Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff. Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs. Dogs take care of their own needs. Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do. Dogs mean it when they kiss you. Dogs are nice to your relatives.

Good one Ladywolf, and he wonders why I love my dogs so much!

PSP, thats my favorite joke as well.. The one I have come to known is slightly different though. A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around,looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying," Jesus is watching you." He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big heist, then began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he hears, "Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. Did you say that? He hissed at the parrot. Yep," the parrot squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you." The burglar relaxed "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you? "Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?" "The same kind of people that would name a German Shepherd Jesus." ROFLMAO!! :-D