When knowledge becomes too much and you can't fool youreself anymore - Page 1

Just need a place to vent.......my family knows I am the fount of knowledge with physical and mental health (just from a paramedic and doctoral in clinical psych stance).  My dad was diagnosed with a terminal disease.  The time frame is very short and it kills me and honors me at the same time to be the person that all the medical people talk to.  My family lets it be so.  Some times it gets tough and I want to cry/hit things/scream/etc.  My family is not aware of all the fine nuances of his disease.  Every time he has a change in symptoms tells me he is getting closer to the end. Yes we are spiritual people and that helps.  I actually died at one point after prolonged illness as the result of surgical oops and was revived (CPR sucks and causes broken ribs) so I am aware (plus the result of 25 years of experience as a medic) when the time to pass to the next stage is approaching.  Unfortunately my dogs are so attuned to me I don't have the luxury of losing it and crying (any one else have dogs so attentive?). I have driven my SUV to a nice place along the beach to cry but that is short lived.  I have good friend that are psychologist who have offered to be a place to let lose but unfortunately I was raised to be stoic in public, NEVER show emotion in public and 25+ years as a firefighter medic has cemented that belief. Guess I just need a place to say THIS SUCKS and WHY DO GOOD PEOPLE HAVE TO PASS IN SUCH A SUCKY WAY.  OK end of rant

WHY DO GOOD PEOPLE HAVE TO PASS IN SUCH A SUCKY WAY. 

no answer but condolences

Mindhunt, my husband passed after going through 11 months of sheer hell: first major heart arrythmia and angina, which resulted in a stroke, then he was diagnosed with bladder cancer, then suffered a heart attack, developed aspiration pneumonia and went into heart failure. He also suffered 2 bowel obstructions, and developed grand mal epilepsy due to the brain damaged caused by the stroke. By the time he died, he had lost over 100 lbs. I quit my job as a nurse, and stayed with him to the end. I kept him at home, with the help of a live in caregiver, until it was no longer safe for him to walk on his own, then he went into palliative care in the hospital.

The hardest thing through all this (and also after his death) was having no one to vent to, when I needed to unload. I have no children of my own, and his sons were very wapped up with their own lives. So, I fully understand. Please come here, and I, for one, will be glad to listen, and provide what support I can.

Ooh Mindhunt, sorry you have to go through this.  Yes, please use the board / our collective 'ears' to

vent and find support, I'm sure most of us feel you are truly welcome to do that.  You contribute a lot

to PDB  'conversations'.    We can listen, even if we can't DO a lot.

Mindhunt,

Here is a big hug for you! 

Life is not fair. I too, am sorry you are going through this. If it helps to have a sounding board for you, then we are happy to be it!

Thank you everyone.  Sunsilver, so sorry to hear about your experience, how heart breaking to read all you and your hubby went through.  Sometimes medical knowledge is good and sometimes it is a curse. 

Dad has small cell stage 4 right lung cancer which metasesized to his spine in 2 spots.  We went to VA ER because he was having horrible pain in his upper right back and right upper chest.  His primary care did not want to treat his pain (we never dreamed it was cancer) and when dad was in agony, told my parents that people dad's age (he's in his 80's) often have aches and pains, just get used to it or go do some physical therapy (without an x-ray).  We got rid of the Hematology/Oncologist who was insisting dad only has a few weeks to a few months to live and to get his affairs in order/call family friends to say good bye/have funeral home on standby.  He was an idiot.  His radiation oncologist is awesome, he says dad will live as long as he wants to.  No new metastases and bone cancer upper spine was radiated so that is in remission. Dad has long periods between morphine and can go 12 -16 hours without a pill.  He is just a stick man, no meat on his bones and his dogs love to cuddle up to him lol.  He also has one heck of an appetite.  He still has a sense of humor and cracks jokes about having to get cancer in order to get high legally on morphine and jokes he can't wait for marijuana to become legal so he can get stoned.  Mom threatened to smack him one day and he joked "but I won't feel it nah nah". 

Here is a hug from Texas.   We are all here for you any time.

We will listen and give you moral support, if that's all we can do.  Sometimes it's just what you need and it sounds like you need it.  I'm so sorry to hear about your father's illness, it just plain sucks.

I'm going through something totally different.  My day has dementia, but is physically doing very well.  My mother has become more of a problem than him.  She's a demanding martyr, to put it bluntly.  There are four of us, all doing what we can and she'll complain that she'd rather have you do it on another day.  All seven days in the week are identical for them, unless they have a doctor's appointment.  My mother was sick over a month ago and is still completely exhausted, so much so that she's not even attending church services.  I think some of it is depression, because she feels my father is more of a burden than she can handle.  She has said to each and every one of us "How long can this laaassstt?".  I asked her if she wanted me to go and draw some hemlock!!

The kicker is, my parents have pretty much had a perfect life, their biggest tragedy was the loss of my paternal grandfather at the tender age of 62.  All of my other grandparents lived into their 80s.  No tragedies, 4 kids, only one had stiches, no broken bones, sailed thru childhood diseases with no ill effects (mumps, measels, chicken pox, etc.), they've enjoyed good health, have had a good income, 8 healthy grandchildren, 5 greats, you get the picture.  But to hear my mother talk, you'd think her life was nothing by one tragedy after another, she's just so put-upon.  I keep wondering what it was that she expected!  I'm glad I still have them both, I love them both, but it doesn't make it easy when you just have to keep your mouth shut and carry on.  But Dad is always happy to see me and he likes that I'm attentive without acting like it's so much trouble.  We watch TV, we talk about his childhood (I love those stories!), we eat, we go Jeeping and that makes it a good thing.  I'm spending more time with him than I have in decades and that's a good thing.  If I didn't have to work, I'd be there a lot more, but for now it's every weekend.  After reading your story, it now feels like mine is a cake walk!  You've given me a new perspective, thank you!

So, I can't even imagine the roller coaster you're riding right now, my head and heart would both be spinning and exploding!  Your dad sounds like a great guy and it's wonderful that he's still got his sense of humor, let that get you through.  Look into his eyes when he's smiling and you'll see exactly why you'll keep doing what you're doing.  And when his time does come, you can know that you made it that much easier for him and your entire family.  Hugs to you, we're here.

BTW, risk the misdemeanor charge and get that man a joint, he deserves it!  LOL, love it :)

So sorry GSDTravels.  I have heard on more than one occasion that dementia is the long goodbye.  The mind leaves long before the body gives out and to have a mother who is as difficult is hard. 

Thankfully my mom is ok, some days she gets pissy and can be sharp but I get she is scared of losing dad.  One wonderful group of nurses have nicknamed me the family pitbull because I demand respect for my dad and proper care and treatment.  I don't ever get insulting but I do rip a strip off politely when I am faced with lazy incompetent arrogance.  On the other hand, I make sure the wonderful competent skillful people know they are deeply appreciated.

Thank you again everyone......