Blonde Jokes - Page 1

 


 

Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks when a truck
went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
  "I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1.

"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run - she is still holding the grenade!

Why did the blonde burn her ear? The phone rang while she was ironing!

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? Pregnant!

 

 

One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said “Why do you keep swerving?” The blonde replied “I turn one way and there’s a tree, I turn again there’s a tree, and then there’s a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere.” The cop replied “You retard that’s your air freshener."

Who was the blond skeleton they found in the attic?

Hide and Seek champion, 1969.

Why are blond jokes so short?
So brunettes and red-heads can understand them

A blond and a brunette were walking their dogs.  The blond had a chihuahua and the brunette, a GSD.  The blond says, "I'd love to stop for a drink, but we'll have to take the dogs home first.  The brunette says, "Put on your sunglasses and follow my lead.".  TheY walk into a bar and the owner says, "Hey, you can't can't come in here with that dog!".  The brunette says, "But I'm blind and this is my seeing-eye dog."  The owner lets her in, but stops the blond.  She says, "I'm blind too!"  The bartender says, "Since when are Chihuahuas seeing-eye dogs?"  The blond screams "They gave me a F%#$*ING CHIHUAHUA??????????"

A blonde decided that she was tired of her empty life. She cut her hair and dyed it brown, and set off for a drive. She wanted to do random acts of kindness to see if it would change her life.While driving through the countryside, she came across a farmer who was trying to get his sheep across the road. She stopped her car and waved the farmer across, thinking this would be her first good deed.After the sheep had all crossed, the blonde said to the farmer, "your sheep are so cute. If I guess how many there are, could I have one." The farmer thought it impossible and told the blonde it was okay." 637", said the blonde.The farmer was amazed that the blonde had guessed the exact number, but lived up to his bargain." I'll take that feisty one over there", said the blonde.Then the farmer said to the blonde, "Okay, now if I guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?

LOL, Ibrahim, I've got to remember that one

A blond's inbred cat...