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by darylehret on 08 August 2010 - 21:08
This is only the second topic I've ever started on this forum, but enjoyed quite a bit on the workingdogforum, so I thought I'd share it here as well...
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
(Dog Trainer Version)
Pavlov: we fed the chicken on the opposite side of the road each day at 4p.m. until the chicken's autonomic system actually began causing the chicken to cross the road at 4 p.m. without even questioning the "why."
B.F. Skinner: on prior occasions when the chicken voluntarily crossed the road, this behavior was followed immediately by a reinforcing consequence.
Cesar Milan: I bullied, chased, poked, and intimidated the chicken until it raced across the road, because I am a strong leader.
Barbara Woodhouse: You just say, "Walkies" with the right accent and place a crumpet on the other side of the road.
Karen Pryor: by associating R+ with road crossing and P+ with standing still, with a VR schedule, and offering a reward in keeping with the Premack principle, we increased the intensity and frequency of the road crossing behavior.
Bill Koehler: a few well-timed pops on the choke chain and the chicken was cheerfully to crossing the road.
Nicholas Dodman: I gave the chicken fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, carbamazepine, and azapirone and then it was happy to cross the road.
Patti Ruzzo: I crossed the road, pausing every step to spit a treat out of my mouth like a human pez dispenser and the chicken followed along catching the treats.
Electric Collar Advocate: whenever the chicken does not cross the road I give it an electric shock. But do not worry, the shock is no more than you would feel if you walked on a carpet wearing socks and it does not bother the chicken at all. The feathers standing up and the smell of burning flesh mean nothing. In fact, they are happier having nice clear communication than they would be otherwise.
Yuppie: chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if you love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time, they will be happy to cross the road for you.
Paris Hilton: Because I put it in a Gucci bag and carried it.
Shelter director: Any chickens that do not cross the road will be euthanized for their own good, and the others we will 'adopt' out tomorrow for only $200 each. Please send us money so we can keep doing more of this important work!
HSUS member: I do not know anything about animals, I have never been around animals and am not really fond of animals, but we passed a law mandating that chickens be kept without cages because animals belong only in the wild and cannot be happy coexisting with man, so now they are walking wherever they want.
PETA member: chickens have the right to live in world without roads. Any chicken that lives within a hundred miles of a road is suffering an inhumane existence and might eventually be hit by a car so we should kill it today to ensure that it does not die tomorrow.
WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
(Dog Trainer Version)
Pavlov: we fed the chicken on the opposite side of the road each day at 4p.m. until the chicken's autonomic system actually began causing the chicken to cross the road at 4 p.m. without even questioning the "why."
B.F. Skinner: on prior occasions when the chicken voluntarily crossed the road, this behavior was followed immediately by a reinforcing consequence.
Cesar Milan: I bullied, chased, poked, and intimidated the chicken until it raced across the road, because I am a strong leader.
Barbara Woodhouse: You just say, "Walkies" with the right accent and place a crumpet on the other side of the road.
Karen Pryor: by associating R+ with road crossing and P+ with standing still, with a VR schedule, and offering a reward in keeping with the Premack principle, we increased the intensity and frequency of the road crossing behavior.
Bill Koehler: a few well-timed pops on the choke chain and the chicken was cheerfully to crossing the road.
Nicholas Dodman: I gave the chicken fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, carbamazepine, and azapirone and then it was happy to cross the road.
Patti Ruzzo: I crossed the road, pausing every step to spit a treat out of my mouth like a human pez dispenser and the chicken followed along catching the treats.
Electric Collar Advocate: whenever the chicken does not cross the road I give it an electric shock. But do not worry, the shock is no more than you would feel if you walked on a carpet wearing socks and it does not bother the chicken at all. The feathers standing up and the smell of burning flesh mean nothing. In fact, they are happier having nice clear communication than they would be otherwise.
Yuppie: chickens are just like little people in feather jackets, and if you love them and give them diamonds and feel sorry for them all the time, they will be happy to cross the road for you.
Paris Hilton: Because I put it in a Gucci bag and carried it.
Shelter director: Any chickens that do not cross the road will be euthanized for their own good, and the others we will 'adopt' out tomorrow for only $200 each. Please send us money so we can keep doing more of this important work!
HSUS member: I do not know anything about animals, I have never been around animals and am not really fond of animals, but we passed a law mandating that chickens be kept without cages because animals belong only in the wild and cannot be happy coexisting with man, so now they are walking wherever they want.
PETA member: chickens have the right to live in world without roads. Any chicken that lives within a hundred miles of a road is suffering an inhumane existence and might eventually be hit by a car so we should kill it today to ensure that it does not die tomorrow.
by Doberdoodle on 08 August 2010 - 23:08
Daryl, that is HILARIOUS. I enjoyed all of them, especiall the Karen Pryor one, E-collar, and the PETA one. Awesome. Permission to cross-post this, did you write it?
I have a couple jokes, but they're not AS funny....
-A blind guy was walking down the sidewalk when his dog stopped him at a curb, then proceeded to pee on his leg. The blind guy pulls a biscuit out of his pocket, and a passerby says "Why would you reward him for that?" He replies, "I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick him in the ass."
-A German Shepherd applies for a job with the police force. They tell the dog "You must pass a physical exam and a series of obstacles," he passes with flying colors. "Now, you must prove you can bite." He bites the agitator. Last requirement, "We use a different language to train, so you must be bilingual." The dog responds, "Meow."
-A guy is going into a convenience store and ties up his Rottweiler outside. A couple minutes later, a woan comes in frantic and says "Is that your Rottweiler outside?" He replies "Yes," and the woman says "I think my Chihuahua just killed your dog!" The guy thinks how the heck could that be, and the woman replies "He choked on him."
Ok, sorry if they were lame!
I have a couple jokes, but they're not AS funny....
-A blind guy was walking down the sidewalk when his dog stopped him at a curb, then proceeded to pee on his leg. The blind guy pulls a biscuit out of his pocket, and a passerby says "Why would you reward him for that?" He replies, "I'm just trying to find out where his head is so I can kick him in the ass."
-A German Shepherd applies for a job with the police force. They tell the dog "You must pass a physical exam and a series of obstacles," he passes with flying colors. "Now, you must prove you can bite." He bites the agitator. Last requirement, "We use a different language to train, so you must be bilingual." The dog responds, "Meow."
-A guy is going into a convenience store and ties up his Rottweiler outside. A couple minutes later, a woan comes in frantic and says "Is that your Rottweiler outside?" He replies "Yes," and the woman says "I think my Chihuahua just killed your dog!" The guy thinks how the heck could that be, and the woman replies "He choked on him."
Ok, sorry if they were lame!
by darylehret on 10 August 2010 - 00:08
Heck no, I'm not that funny. I got this in an email from a retired doberman breeder friend of mine, who forewarded it to me. I don't know who wrote it.
by beetree on 10 August 2010 - 01:08
Both posts are funny! 
by geordiegaviino on 10 August 2010 - 11:08
Chicken Roundabout is located in the River Waveney valley on the Bungay and Ditchingham bypass, on the Norfolk/Suffolk border.
There is actually a chicken roundabout in england. Google it ;)
There is actually a chicken roundabout in england. Google it ;)
by AandA on 10 August 2010 - 12:08
A guy walks into a pub where he spots a a man playing poker with a GSD.
Gee, I always knew GSDs were clever but that dog's amazing
Not really, cus he always wags his tail when his got a good hand.
AandA
Gee, I always knew GSDs were clever but that dog's amazing
Not really, cus he always wags his tail when his got a good hand.
AandA
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