This shouldn't be an easy answer - Page 1

Okay folks, I know what the 'perfect world' answer would be.  It would be that we all have as much land as we need to keep as many dogs as we want.

But a perfect world doesn't always exist.

My father has two labs, whom he loves dearly.  They're good, loving dogs ... spoiled rotten but good girls, spayed and treated like princesses.  My father has, in this past week, pulled a stunt that makes me concerned that he can no be trusted to care for himself.  Seriously, if I had not gotten down to him (3 hours away) in time, he could have died from dehydration complications.

He's hospitalized now but when he's released I will need to talk to him about this and one of the arguments against his going into some sort of retirement community is his two dogs, who he loves and who love him.

I don't want to take his dogs away from him but the chances of finding a retirement community that allows two large breed dogs, is slim to none.  So what do I do?

I already have three dogs of my own.  Two GSDs who I do Schutzhund with and my father's retired field lab.  As much as I would like to be able to assure him that I could take his two dogs (they're 1 and 3) I just can't but at the same time I can't just put them into the rescue system.

How do you handle this?  What do you do?

My father loves his dogs, they are his companions since my mother died 6 months ago but if he can't even be trusted to take care of himself ... what do I do?

How do I get a happy ending?

The chances of finding a retirement home where they will allow his own dogs is zilch. However, there are other options. Can you get him someone to check in with him, or a caretaker or make some arrangement with someone who is closer? Can you move him closer, even into a house with a fenced yard to be closer to you? Is it possible for you to move closer to him?

Letting him live out his life with his dogs is the best thing to do, short of taking his choice away. On the other hand, if he is now a danger to himself because he cannot care properly for himself means that you must act and you do have a responsibility to protect him as much as possible. Is there anyone near him who could be paid to telephone him or go see him on a daily basis? Does he have insurance that would pay for a home health care aid? Is there a visiting nurses association or a county agency that could assist you in checking in on him routinely? There are also GPS type devices that will "track" him and let you know where he is, whether he is moving etc. Does he have a cell phone and can you and/or others check in with him frequently?

Good luck. I just went through this with a dear old friend.

My Grandmother lives in a retirement home that does allow large dogs and or cats. Its an upscale place and im sure there is a fee but I know there must be others so keep looking.

Thank you for the insight Hodie.

Unfortunately his funds are not unlimited so I need to do the best I can to figure out the safest route for both him and the labs.  He does love his dogs and they have helped him through my mother's death (she died 6 months ago) so the last thin I want to do is have to seperate them all.

But he utterly got himself into a dangerous situation due to dehydration and his unwillingness to call the doctor's for heltp.

It's so hard on the one lab bitch who was my mother's dog.  She doesn't understand why both her mistress and now her master have left her (my father is in the hospital, has been there since I got down here and found him in the state he was in) I keep giving her extra snuggles and trying to figure out how to protect both her, the other lab and him all at the same time.

Oh to have access to unlimited funds ... but I know we all feel that way.

This is a difficult situation all around and won't be an easy time for you.    I lost my father to brain cancer over 3 years ago and then watched my mother struggle on her own to move on.  I got Molly originally for her, but shortly after that she became ill and could not live on her own anymore.  I had to decide between an assisted living and or moving her in with me.  She resisted the idea of assisted living, so we sold her house and moved her in.  One month later she took a serious turn and was diagnosed with a brain tumor and required hospice care.  I decided to keep her home and have hospice come in.  In the meantime I found adult care people to come in and sit with her when I needed go out.  It is not cheap, but later found a nurse who was a stay at home mom in my neighborhood.  Much more reasonable to make your own arrangements and I tried my best to keep those cost in line with her monthly income.    My dogs really were wonderful with her and she enjoyed having them around.  Aging Seniors face so many losses as it is - their house, driving, loved ones, that I would hate to see him seperated with this dogs.  If you cannot move him in with you or find a place that accepts big dogs,  maybe you could at least move him closer and find someone you can trust to stop in and help.   Plus having him closer will make it much easier on you.  I hope things work out for you and your father.

Cheryl

RLHAR:

                     I would not want to be in your shoes, there are decisions that you are going to have to make for the good of your father and his dogs that are going to hurt and not set well for either but it has to be done.

My wife is a supervisor in a nursing home/assisted living center and she see,s this stuff all the time and it is hard.

Good luck to you and I will keep you in my thought,s

The Alzheimer's Association www.alz.org has chapters all over the country, and they may be able to give you some resources in your area regarding home health nursing, state or county programs, etc.  I have worked with individuals with disabilities for a long time, and Alzheimer's is a great resource for adults who need assistance even if they don't have a diagnosis of Alzheimer's.  They can usually point you in the right direction to find some help. 

The emotional support that our pets provide is incredible, as I'm sure we all know.  My husband's grandmother lives in a senior apartment complex that allows pets - not quite assisted living but there are staff onsite to provide assistance, arrange transportation to appointments, etc.  I wish you the best of luck.

Opal

I also try to put myself in his shoes, I would want to take my dogs.  I would look for possibly a private care facility;  with a yard;  some people do this in their homes and they are the caregivers; usually a limited number of residence also.  Sometimes that can be good as they get more individual attention.  I feel for you as I was faced with the problem of finding someplace for my mom, however, a non doggy person, just to find a place for her was bad enough. 

Also, I would contact rescue and let them know the situation that possibly the dogs will need  homes in the near future and they are  young and sweet so that should be do-able;  however, may take some time as you know, it is the MOST popular breed in the world.  Also possibly look into a day care place that the dogs can go and run and play and possibly spend the night once in a while and get them away from him just a little bit at a time??  Good luck, social services might be able to help you out.  Also if possible get him moved closer to you,  look in  your area not 3 hours away;  believe me, it will be so much easier on you than traveling any length of time to check up and see him.  Ask around at  your church and senior centers even if it is county for information about places.  Nan

 RLHAR,

Seniors who have lost their spouse often go downhill very quickly. This is a fact. So based on your saying he was in serious trouble and would not call for help, perhaps it is important to consider why. Was he simply unable to call for help, for example, did he fall? Or was he simply unwilling to do so? If the latter, this may indicate some depression which would be very reasonably given the loss of his wife. To take him now away from the dogs would be very difficult. There are a lot of options, but unfortunately, in our society, they all cost money. Is it possible that he could come live with you, even if you had to build a separate kennel space for his dogs? At least he would have help and the dogs. The other options I have already mentioned, as have several others here. It is always a difficult situation when people reach the age where they begin to have trouble.

Another important thing which you may have already done is to speak directly and at length to him about his wishes. What does he want? I know that should something serious ever happen to me, I would not want to be in a nursing home with strangers. Neither would I want to languish is my condition was terminal. I would hope that i could stay in my own home. Sometimes we don't get to choose, but your father is hopefully still able to express to you his wishes. Also, remember, if he owns his own home, there are reverse mortgages that might provide him funds for help now.

Anyway, I feel for you in this situation. I have watched too many friends have to deal with loved ones who could no longer care for themselves, but refused to go to nursing homes etc. Gentle pressure and firm "this is what we have to do to keep you safe" type conversations, though difficult, are a must.

Best wishes.

RLHAR,
You need to talk to your father about death, I assume he is still of sound mind.
And respect his wishes.
There are bound to be organizations in the area who might look in on him if he wants to stay in his home.
Or someone how could be paid to check on him, help him out in small ways, it doesn't have to be expensive.
Taking everything he knows away from him is in it's self a death sentence.
It all depends on his state of mind, health and abilities.

We all have to die sooner or later, sometimes how we die depends on how we have lived our lives up to that point.
Death is not a bad thing, it is a deeply personal thing.
Talk to him as your father and do not take away his dignity.
I have had this talk with my own parents, they made their choices, my mother passed away in her home, dad is still kicking with all he can muster, he told me it was not up to me how he died.
I have had this talk with my sons also, I will die in my home.

It's not about what you want or making things easy, talk to him before you take his life into your hands.

Sincerely,
Brent.