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by RONNIERUNCO on 02 September 2009 - 22:09
A couple were walking their dog along the beach, the dog was having a great time running into the sea and fetching the ball that the guy was throwing for it.
After a particularly enthusiastic throw, the couple realise slowly that Rover is swimming toward them but not getting any closer.
Poor Rover is caught in a current and he can't get back. The couple are going frantic as they watch him getting more and more tired.
A crowd of worried onlookers soon gathers, no one is doing anything and Rover's head keeps bobbing dangerously under the water.
The guy has shouted himself hoarse and the woman is in tears by now.
Suddenly, a German tourist starts sprinting down the beach like a tornado on speed. He is flinging clothes aside as he goes and shouting "Out of my vay! Out of my vay!" in a strong commanding voice. The crowd parts to let him through and he dives like an Olympic swimmer straight into the sea.
The German then powers his way through the waves and grabs our hapless hound as the poor mutt was going down for the last time.
Then, dog under one arm, against the current our Germanic hero swims back to the shore and lays Rover down on the beach, the dog is not breathing.
The German is not done yet, he starts CPR on the dog.
After a couple of tense minutes of compressions and blowing air into the dog's nose, Rover leaps up, coughs up a load of seawater and trots back to its elated owners. The crown cheers and the German slumps onto the sand, exhausted.
The woman comes to his side and, still fighting back tears tries to find the words to thank him. "Thank you, thank you, I don't know what to say, how did you know how to do that?
What are you, a Vet?"
"Ya" replies the German, panting "I'm f*cking soaking!"
After a particularly enthusiastic throw, the couple realise slowly that Rover is swimming toward them but not getting any closer.
Poor Rover is caught in a current and he can't get back. The couple are going frantic as they watch him getting more and more tired.
A crowd of worried onlookers soon gathers, no one is doing anything and Rover's head keeps bobbing dangerously under the water.
The guy has shouted himself hoarse and the woman is in tears by now.
Suddenly, a German tourist starts sprinting down the beach like a tornado on speed. He is flinging clothes aside as he goes and shouting "Out of my vay! Out of my vay!" in a strong commanding voice. The crowd parts to let him through and he dives like an Olympic swimmer straight into the sea.
The German then powers his way through the waves and grabs our hapless hound as the poor mutt was going down for the last time.
Then, dog under one arm, against the current our Germanic hero swims back to the shore and lays Rover down on the beach, the dog is not breathing.
The German is not done yet, he starts CPR on the dog.
After a couple of tense minutes of compressions and blowing air into the dog's nose, Rover leaps up, coughs up a load of seawater and trots back to its elated owners. The crown cheers and the German slumps onto the sand, exhausted.
The woman comes to his side and, still fighting back tears tries to find the words to thank him. "Thank you, thank you, I don't know what to say, how did you know how to do that?
What are you, a Vet?"
"Ya" replies the German, panting "I'm f*cking soaking!"
by poseidon on 03 September 2009 - 12:09
by Bob McKown on 03 September 2009 - 12:09
poseidon:
I don,t care who you are ...Thats funny!
by poseidon on 03 September 2009 - 12:09
For those Monty Python fans and Fawlty Towers mania, here's an absolute classic reminder of "The Germans".
www.youtube.com/watch
www.youtube.com/watch
by keepthefaith on 03 September 2009 - 22:09
Subject: A whore named Valerie
The Madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified,
well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir', she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they
went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from'?
The man replied, ' Kamloops '.
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Kamloops
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked
me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.
'The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.......
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
The Madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified,
well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
'May I help you sir', she asked.
'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.
'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else', said the madam.
'No, I must see Valerie,' he replied.
Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they
went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie said to the man, 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from'?
The man replied, ' Kamloops '.
'Really', she said. 'I have family in Kamloops
'I know.' the man said. 'Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked
me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.
'The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.......
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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