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by missbeeb on 09 July 2009 - 08:07
A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was
sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started
screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a
frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat
calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that
God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ' Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.
sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started
screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a
frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat
calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that
God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'
The man replied, 'Yep, sure do.'
'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.
'Nope, sure ain't.' said the man.
Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.
'Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.
'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.
'Yep,' was the calm reply.
'And you're still not afraid?' asked Satan.
'Nope,' said the old man.
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, ' Why aren't you afraid of me?'
The man calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.
by Sue Worley on 09 July 2009 - 11:07
Fantastic, I like it !!!!! Anymore?????
by Ninja181 on 09 July 2009 - 11:07
LMAO
by missbeeb on 09 July 2009 - 12:07
Q. Whats a Catholic priest & a pint of Guiness got in common?
A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
***************************************************************************************
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their
foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was
connected with marriage or religion.
Not so. The Indian Embassy in Washington , D.C.has recently
revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married,
she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the
husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a
convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in
the United States.. If nothing is there, he must take a job
answering telephones giving technical advice.
A. Black coat, white collar & you've got to watch your arse if you get a dodgy one!
***************************************************************************************
For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their
foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was
connected with marriage or religion.
Not so. The Indian Embassy in Washington , D.C.has recently
revealed the true story. When a Hindu woman gets married,
she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the
husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a
convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop or a motel in
the United States.. If nothing is there, he must take a job
answering telephones giving technical advice.
by yellowrose of Texas on 09 July 2009 - 16:07
How funny ! we needed a laugh this morning....a clean one at that....thanks MISbeeb....... laughing is good for the soul....
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by missbeeb on 09 July 2009 - 18:07
Uglydog... you need to get out more! It's a joke... no secret meaning/s... just a joke! You're too weird for me!
by beetree on 09 July 2009 - 18:07
I was sent this in my email, I couldn't get the photo's of the marquee's to print, so I retyped what the signs say. I sure got a laugh out of it, hope you do too!
Do dogs go to heaven?
This is literally a 'church signs' debate, being played out in aSouthern US town, between Our Lady of Martyrs Catholic Church, and Cumberland Presbyterian, a fundamentalist church. From top to bottom shows you the response and counter-response over time.
Catholic: ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN
Presbyterian: ONLY HUMANS GO TO HEAVEN
READ YOUR BIBLE
Catholic: GOD LOVES ALL HIS CREATIONS
DOGS INCLUDED
Presbyterian: DOGS DONT HAVE SOULS
THIS IS NOT OPEN FOR
DEBATE
Catholic: CATHOLIC DOGS GO TO HEAVEN
PRESBYTERIAN DOGS CAN TALK TO
THEIR PASTOR
Presbyterian: CONVERTING TO
CATHOLOCISM DOES NOT
MAGICALLY GRANT YOUR
DOG A SOUL
Catholic: FREE DOG SOULS
WITH CONVERSION
Presbyterian: DOGS ARE ANIMALS
THERE AREN'T ANY
ROCKS IN HEAVEN
EITHER
Catholic: ALL ROCKS
GO TO HEAVEN
The Catholics have a way better sense of humor, IMHO, LOL!!!
Do dogs go to heaven?
This is literally a 'church signs' debate, being played out in a
Catholic: ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN
Presbyterian: ONLY HUMANS GO TO HEAVEN
READ YOUR BIBLE
Catholic: GOD LOVES ALL HIS CREATIONS
DOGS INCLUDED
Presbyterian: DOGS DONT HAVE SOULS
THIS IS NOT OPEN FOR
DEBATE
Catholic: CATHOLIC DOGS GO TO HEAVEN
PRESBYTERIAN DOGS CAN TALK TO
THEIR PASTOR
Presbyterian: CONVERTING TO
CATHOLOCISM DOES NOT
MAGICALLY GRANT YOUR
DOG A SOUL
Catholic: FREE DOG SOULS
WITH CONVERSION
Presbyterian: DOGS ARE ANIMALS
THERE AREN'T ANY
ROCKS IN HEAVEN
EITHER
Catholic: ALL ROCKS
GO TO HEAVEN
The Catholics have a way better sense of humor, IMHO, LOL!!!
by keepthefaith on 09 July 2009 - 21:07
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One Small Step for Man. One Giant Leap for Mankind" statement, but just before he reentered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark:
"Good Luck Mr Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck Mr Gorsky" statement meant.
A few months ago (July 1995 in Tampa Bay FL), while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.Mr Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could anwer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbour's bedroom window. His neighbours were Mr and Mrs Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick it up, young Armstrong heard Mrs Gorsky shouting at Mr Gorsky.
"Oral sex! You want oral sex?!. You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
"Good Luck Mr Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years many people have questioned him as to what the "Good luck Mr Gorsky" statement meant.
A few months ago (July 1995 in Tampa Bay FL), while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26-year-old question to Armstrong. This time he finally responded.Mr Gorsky had finally died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could anwer the question.
When he was a kid, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball which landed in front of his neighbour's bedroom window. His neighbours were Mr and Mrs Gorsky. As he leaned down to pick it up, young Armstrong heard Mrs Gorsky shouting at Mr Gorsky.
"Oral sex! You want oral sex?!. You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
by missbeeb on 10 July 2009 - 14:07
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl
said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode
motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and
drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the
toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
The end
said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode
motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and
drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the
toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
The end
by missbeeb on 10 July 2009 - 14:07
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning
she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best
friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he
told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
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