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by missbeeb on 20 March 2009 - 14:03
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in amental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?'
by London on 20 March 2009 - 14:03
by Sunsilver on 20 March 2009 - 15:03
Here's one of my favourites.
An old geezer has always had this secret desire to streak. One day, he's out for a walk early in the morning, and he and his friend notice there's a big flower show going on in a building near the retirement home where they both live. He turns to his friend and says, "I bet you $20 I can streak through that flower show without getting caught!" He figures it's a safe bet, as the exhibit hasn't opened for the day yet.
"You're on!' his friend says.
So the old guy finds a secluded spot near the entrance, strips naked, and dashes through the door.
He's gone quite some time, and his friend is starting to worry, when he reappears, holding a blue ribbon in his hand.
"What happened?" asks his buddy. "I was starting to worry about you."
"Well, the judges were there, judging all the arrangements. I had a hard time getting through the building without being seen! I had to stop and hide from them a couple of times."
"Whew! Well, lucky you made it! What's with the blue ribbon?"
"One of 'em gave me first prize for "Best Dried Arrangement'!
by RONNIERUNCO on 20 March 2009 - 15:03
On their honeymoon, the blonde bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her,
he replied, 'It's Lent'.
In tears, she sobbed, 'Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!
Who did you lend it to, and for how long?'
by Sunsilver on 20 March 2009 - 15:03
And elderly couple is celebrating their 50th with a romatic getaway. In preparation for the trip, the husband takes his wife shopping, and buys her an expensive silk negligee.
On their anniversary night, the husband is in the bathroom showering, while the wife undresses for bed. To her dismay, she finds she's left the negligee at home. After fretting for a minute, she finally decides not to wear anything to bed. He's nearly blind without his glasses anyway, she thinks to herself, so maybe he won't even notice...
Just about then, her husband comes out of the bathroom. He stops and stares at her, his jaw dropping.
"What's the matter, sweetie?" she says to him, striking a sexy pose.
"Gosh durn it, Mabel, with what I paid for that nightie, the least they could have done was IRON it!"
by missbeeb on 20 March 2009 - 15:03
ordered a glass of champagne.
The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass
of champagne, too!"
"What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for
me, I'm celebrating."
"This is a special day for me too, I'm also celebrating!" says the
woman.
"What a coincidence" says the man. As they clinked glasses the
farmer asked, "What are you celebrating?"
"My husband and I have been trying to have a child, and today my
gynaecologist told me that I'm pregnant!"
"What a coincidence," says the man ... "I'm a chicken farmer and for
years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally laying
fertilized eggs."
"That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become
fertile?"
"I used a different cock," he replied.
The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence"
by happyday on 20 March 2009 - 16:03
We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin red mark on his forehead....
by funky munky on 20 March 2009 - 18:03
by beetree on 20 March 2009 - 18:03
by funky munky on 20 March 2009 - 19:03
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