Has anyone seen Sponge (Shelley Strohl) Sexy Pants?" - Page 4

I have been in better moods. Better try to to vent via my notoriously skewed sense of humor than to act out and take a sledge hammer to something... or someBODY! Yes?

Time for my telephone interview for the high-ressure ad sales position. I'm in great form for this conversation. Any bets on my getting a job offer when I get done with the poor slob I'm about to dial?

Maybe I'll just apply for permanent disability or something... for chronic mental illness. Shouldn't be difficult to document in my case...

Cpt. Mike

I think you need to "swab the deck".  What kind of a pirate might you be?  You sound like a needy bitch.  If you play a bit harder to get, I think Shelly Hotpants will respect you a bit more.

Needy? Ye Scurvey Dog. Arrrrrrr me has warned ye before about someone findin' ye Schutzhund Sleeve filled with dead Carp... Aye t' wench be leadin me on Aye! first she posts  , cussing my head off everytime I go down on something hard,  then she tells me t' take out me love on a can o' Vienna Sausage Arrrrrrrr well that be it. all you bilge rats have run me off. CaptMike will never sail these waters agin. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Made the telephone interview call right on time. Got voice mail. Figures... I'm sure there are plenty of other $70K jobs around here in my field searching high and low for someone with my background and experience right this minute...

Hey! Human resources people! I'm right HERE! Hey!

Someone please pass me a handful of pills and a bottle of Wild Turkey. I'm feeling lucky today.

Stop playing hard to get Capt Mike, take another pill and rethink your strategy for winning over the lovely SS!

Full financial disclosure documents (including current assets and laibilities) are always a good start, and a great way to learn someone's true identity and permanent address, immigration status, etc., unless falsified of course. I hear the IRS takes a dim view of screen names on tax returns. 

Arrest records, court-ordered judgements arising from litigation settlements, alimony, child support, criminal, punitive, other assorted reimbursements in progress or ordered for the future, past and present. Sexual orientation is always interesting to learn, as are crimal history, (particularly any history of violence) incareration release dates, driving record, passport status, health status and insurability factors... or lack of...

Once the above issues have been discovered, verified and recorded, we can talk about relationships.

told you guys I was in a foul mood. Must be time to put on dry clothes (again, for the 3rd time today) go outside and let the dogs cheer me up.

Later,

SS