I fell off the face of the earth - Page 2

I guess we were typing at the same time, Marjorie. I understand your devotion to MissyT. I too endured several injuries while caring for Shelby. My back will never be the same. Supporting and lifting a 70 lb. dog for well over a year can take its toll.  I had a serious back condition prior to caring for Shelby, but lifted her anyway. I had to. I loved her and couldn't let her down. They depend on us to care for them. I am at peace with everything now. I know I gave my very best for Shelby and said goodbye before she really suffered. I hope and pray one day you will feel that way. You gave MissyT your all and everything. No one could've done more than you did for her. Please  try to find peace in that truth. 

I'm glad your doing better physically and I hope the emotional healing follows. 

Char,

I didnt know you lost Shelby :( I am so very sorry :( You put up one hell of a fight for her.. Its so sad that not even ONE dog can survive DM... Its a true death sentence... Sending hugs xoxoxo

Tig,

Did you know there is a syudy going on in relation to hamangio? I wonder if your info could help the study. I am so sorry for your loss of remi. There is just no good way to lose a beloved fur friend :(

Marjorie, I have sent you a PM.

Thank you for sharing Missie T's picture. How beautiful - feminine but strong and with a kind expression - what I always look for in the girls. She reminds of several I have known. On another thread I talked about archtypes in our breed  and this is one of them and one the breed needs more of.

I used to think that dogs were brought into our lives for us and a need we had. Then I thought they were led to us for their benefit. Now I know it's a bit of each but I truly believe that while you were the angel Missie T needed in this world she also brought you ( and us by extension) wonderful gifts and lessons - one of which is persistence and strength. She is still walking beside you, this time to support you, be open to that.

Thank you for the info re the hemangio. Rem was diagnosed exactly two months before I had to let her go and I spent every moment I could researching. Unfortunately most of the studies were far far away and unavailable to me but as I noted in my thread about her http://www.pedigreedatabase.com/forum.read?mnr=785214-the-hallmarks-of-a-good-shepherd  , I was able to work with the Univ of Minn to contribute samples of her tumour and blood from her and Nemo ( as a senior normal) to the research effort. I would have loved to be part of the U Penn study on the mushroom treatment because the last trial extended life for as long as a year and the supplement was well beyond my ability to pay for it. I did what I could adding rutin and quercetin and other supps and even buying fresh mushrooms to make mushroom teas but alas it was not meant to be. There are some promising cancer treatments ( tho not for hemangio for the most part) involving bioflavonoids and nutraceuticals but getting info on correct dosage is very difficult and the commercial formulas like Apocaps and K9 immunity are just too darn expensive for most of us. One of the interesting things my research turned up is on the human side believe it or not Tagamet (cimetidine available otc) is an extremely effective cancer drug especially with colon cancer and yet is hardly being used esp in the US ( no profit cause OTC - the patent had run out). In one study where patients took it 1 year from diagnosis and surgery for colon cancer and then tracked for 10 years  the survival rate was 90% compared to 7% w/o the treatment.

I would like to add my voice to those above that have said do not leave us. We need you and this breed most definitely needs you. ((Hugs)). Beth.

I am so sorry for your loss. I know watching our Boomer in his slide through DM was heart-wrenching.

Marjorie

It's so good to see you here. It's strange but I was only thinking yesterday that I hadn't seen you here for so long, and then there you are.

I know the depth of your grief and your pain. Though my losses were a sudden shock, I have also found it so very hard to deal with, and had to go the counselling route. Like you, I dropped a hellish amount of weight, and for a long time felt so deeply unwell and kind of not really 'here'. Hard to explain. I did read something that explained it well, which talked about our reality being altered, and I truly believe that happens in some circumstances. Even now, sometimes I look at a landscape and know that it isn't 'right' for me any more. Sometimes it is alright, but then it 'slips' and I see it with different eyes.

To refer to what GSDNewbie said, my doctor actually likened it to PTSD when I was seeing him about it. It isn;t about how something happened necessarily, (physical/mental or otherwise) it is about how you are affected.  It's hard to explain certain circumstances of loss. I have lost many dogs over the years in different ways, and never have I had the feelings of despair that I had this time.

I also think Jackie is right. You just don't get over it..time just lays down scar tissue, but it can re-open and hurt so terribly at different times.

You have so much to offer, such compassion, such knowledge and such depth of feeling for the breed ....please don't be driven away.I don't believe it was GSDNewbie's intention to hurt you, but I know oh so well just how sensitive these feelings can make you too. I know I have over reacted to things at times when I thought in some way I or my dog's memory was 'under attack' and that IS how it felt.

Though I don't post much any more, I do read, so please stay....I enjoy seeing you here, and deep down I think it will help you, even if it is to make you angry and react....at least you are feeling something different.....

Hugs

Abby

Marjorie, just thought about you, because you didn´t post for a long time ( half a year? ).

The death of a dog is sad, the death of someone we knew and spent years of our life with, is always sad, but death and illness is a part of life.
GSDNewbie may sound unfeeling, but she is right. There is a beginning and there is an end, for animals and for humans, and that´s okay.

A dog has a different life spam than a human, your dog was well cared for, and at one point there was the time to let her go. If I remember well, she became 11 years old, even for a healthy German Shepherd that´s quite "normal".

Dealing with facts is not cruel, you can´t deny mortality, but the acceptance of life is the acceptance of death.

Howlk9, What a face! Was he watching you, the ball or a gopher? Looks like he was a big boy and Boomer fit him. Condolences on his loss unfortunately they are never ever with us long enough.That's the damnable part of owning and loving dogs. Can you share his pedigree and how old he was in the photo? Beth

GSDNewbie, who made you the arbiter of what is and is not PTSD?  Are you a board-certified psychiatrist?

Of course you aren't.

Before you DARE admonish someone for stating that they have been diagnosed as suffering from PTSD, you damn well better do a LOT more research on the condition.  If you do, you will learn that the disorder is NOT diagnosed by virtue of the CAUSE of the patient's distress, but rather by the full breadth and width of the patient's REACTION to an experience, event or circumstances.  I have NO doubt that Marjorie's doctors properly diagnosed her condition, and one person's diagnosis does not diminish that same diagnosis in another individual.  No one group or person has an exclusive lock on the term, nor on the condition.

If you can't say something compassionate in a response to a post that virtually bleeds pain, then better you not say anything at all.

Marjorie and Abby both discovered that sometimes it's necessary to let the grief envelop you in full before you can ever begin to raise your head above the water. It's hard, it's painful, and it's scary as hell, but there are some bereavements that require nothing less than total immersion if one is ever to regain a foothold on moving forward in time. The world will never be the same again for either of you, and that's just logical: the loss of another whose very presence was a keystone in one's life cannot be anything other than universe-altering.  Eventually, we rise to the understanding that the best memorial to those lost loved ones is to find the joy in each day, and to wring every molecule of that joy into our souls, just as the ones who went before us did when they shared this dimension with us.

And with this, I retreat, to continue on my own journey out of the abyss.

I have mourned a dog hard for over ten years, that was part of my very heart. Who knew what I wanted from her before I asked it of her and who never blinked when ordered forward to save lives. She was dearly loved and died running a bear out of the yard that my 5 year old son was playing in. Dont tell me I dont know pain between that and other life experiences.  I have not made light of her grief at all. I am glad you have all lead lives untouched by more than inhuman grievances caused by tragedy and or evil. Perhaps if the PTSD was not coupled with the mention of a lawsuit I could have taken it a little more seriously and less of a plea of monetary damages for grief. I did not post what I did to be mean. I did not post what I did to belittle the poster. I am glad she is seeking counseling.I know her heart is broken at the loss. I feel each death of my dogs and like loosing a part of me. We get dogs knowing that is part of owning them and that we should be outliving them. I have a 12 year old gsd and am facing it soon again myself. I will not post further on this matter and did not feel the need to until this last post. Please volunteer with wounded warriors or other organisations to help PTSD that I have experienced with people.