A joke for the week end - Page 2

Jim, Dave and Eric die and arrive at the Heaven gate, St Paul explains to them:
'Heaven is a very big place and you need a car to get around. The car you get depends solely on how faithful you were to your spouse while you were alive'

Jim was married for 15 years and cheated on his wife 3 times so he got a
Citi Golf car

Dave was married 20 years and cheated on his wife 1nce so he got a Toyota Corolla.

Eric was married for 50 years and never cheated on his wife so he got a BMW.

Jim and Dave were very envious of Eric!
A couple of months later Jim and Dave see Eric sitting on the pavement
crying...

Dave asks: 'What's wrong buddy?'
Eric replies: 'I just saw my wife'

Jim asks: 'So? why are you crying?'
Eric says: 'She was on a bicycle!'

The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”
“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.
“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some asshole using my stuff.”
She looked at me and said: “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”

Paddy the famous Irishman is driving home after downing a few at the
local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the
middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that
there is yet another tree directly in his path. He swerves again and
discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to
veer from side to side to avoid all the trees.

Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to
a stop. The officer, approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he
was doing.

Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops
him mid sentence and says, "Fer Chris sakes, Paddy, that's yer air
freshener !"

Two drunk guys and are walking down the street, when they come across this dog sitting on the sidewalk, licking
his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, “I sure wish I could do that!”
The other one looks at him and says, “Well... I think I’d pet him first.

The Horse:

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

MAN: "What was that for?"

WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it?"

MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off to do work around the house. Three days later the man is once again sitting in his chair reading and the wife repeats the frying pan swatting.

MAN: "What was that for this time?"

WIFE: "Your horse called."

Super one, horses are adorable.

Ibrahim

K9- I have 3 horses calling me everyday at least twice each & so far no frying pan swatting by my wife. Do you think she is thinking for something better?

Watch out Tarek you never know when the (better) comes alive !!!

Ibrahim

Tarek - I agree with Ibrahim - watch out for that frying pan!!!