This is a placeholder text
Group text
by FLRanger on 10 July 2012 - 18:07
One sunny day in January, 2013 an old man approached the White House
from Across Pennsylvania Avenue , where he’d been sitting on a park
bench.
He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, “I would like to
go in and meet with President Obama.”
The Marine looked at the man and said, “Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer
president and no longer resides here.”
The old man said, “Okay” and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to
the same Marine, “I would like to go in and meet with President Obama.”
The Marine again told the man, “Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is
no longer president and no longer resides here.”
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to
the very same U.S. Marine, saying “I would like to go in and meet with
President Obama.”
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man
and said, “Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here
asking to speak to Mr. Obamah. I’ve told you already that Mr. Obama is
no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don’t you
understand?”
The old man looked at the Marine and said, “Oh, I understand. I just
love hearing it.”
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, “See you tomorrow,
Sir.”
by FLRanger on 10 July 2012 - 18:07
Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the White House, he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Nice pigs, Sir."
The President replies, "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas
razorback hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and I got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."
The squared away Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Excellent trade, sir."
by FLRanger on 10 July 2012 - 18:07
"I am entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?"
"First Place!" said Snow White.
They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."
"I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"
"First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"
They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio enters.
After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Who the hell is this guy Obama?" asked Pinocchio
by beetree on 10 July 2012 - 20:07
The captain of a pirate ship was standing on deck when one of his crew members informed him, “Captain there’s an enemy ship approaching!”
The captain replied, “Bring me my red shirt!” The crew member went to the Captain’s cabin and brought his red shirt to him. The Captain then explained, “If I am wounded in battle the men won’t know, so they will keep on fighting.”
A moment later another crew member came and said, “Captain there are ten enemy ships approaching!” The Captain replied, “Bring me my brown pants!”
by Lennard on 11 July 2012 - 12:07
find an Elephant in Bed beside her!!!
"My God" she said "I must of been Tight last Night"
And the Elephant said "you were the First time but Second time was not so Bad"
by Keith Grossman on 11 July 2012 - 13:07
"Those are some pretty small hands," agreed the other two; "you should go to the Guiness Book and see!"
So, they all went to Guiness and after some wait, the small handed midget emerged and said, "I do, I do, I have the smallest hands in the word! I'm in the Guiness Book!"
"Yay," exclaimed the others.
The three bagan to walk again and after some time another of them said, "Wow, look how small my feet are! I'll bet I've got the smallest feet in the whole world!"
"Those are some pretty small feet," agreed the other two; "you should go to the Guiness Book and see!"
So, they all went to Guiness and after some wait, the small footed midget emerged and said, "I do, I do, I have the smallest feet in the word! I'm in the Guiness Book!"
"Yay," exclaimed the others.
Again the three midgets began to walk and finally the third midget said, "Wow, look how small my penis is! I'll bet I've got the smallest penis in the world!"
"That is a pretty small penis," agreed the other two; "you should go to the Guiness Book and see!"
So, they all went to Guiness and after some wait, the midget with the diminuative member emerged and said, "God damnit, who the hell is FLRanger, anyway?"
by fawndallas on 11 July 2012 - 15:07
These are great. Need to pass a few along to select members of my family.
Here is mine. It is a corny one I got from my son when he was about 7 years old. It still brings a smile and chuckle though.
A cookie went to the doctor. The doctor says, "what is wrong, son." The cookie replys, "I do not know. I just feel crumbly all the time."
by FLRanger on 11 July 2012 - 18:07
by FLRanger on 11 July 2012 - 18:07
The angel touched his back and he felt immediate relief.
The second guy pointed to his coke bottle glasses and said he had been nearly blind his whole life. The angel took his glasses and tossed them in the lake. As soon as they hit the water everything came into perfect view. His sight was fully restored.
The angel turned to Keith Grossman, "Don't touch me!" he screamed. "I support Obamacare and I'm on disability!!"
by FLRanger on 11 July 2012 - 18:07
President Obama was having that one, lone brief conversation this year with General McChrystal about Afghanistan .
Things were obviously not going the way the General had hoped. Obama could sense this, and told him, "I bet when I die, you'll pee on my grave."
To which General McChrystal answers, "No sir, I've always said that when I get out of the Army, I'll never again wait in another line."
Contact information Disclaimer Privacy Statement Copyright Information Terms of Service Cookie policy ↑ Back to top