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by FLRanger on 11 July 2012 - 18:07

Senator Obama was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said Senator Obama. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.

OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know ****?

by FLRanger on 11 July 2012 - 18:07

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she finishes, her charge is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

by beetree on 11 July 2012 - 22:07

Q. What do politicians and sperm have in common?

A. Only one in 10,000 actually works.

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Q. If you've got one green ball in one hand and another green ball in the other, what do you have?

A. The undivided attention of the Incredible Hulk.

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"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." -Jerry Seinfeld

by Keith Grossman on 12 July 2012 - 13:07

There are three kinds of orgasms...

There is the maternal orgasm during which the woman screams, "oh baby, oh baby!"

There is the religious orgasm during which the woman screams, "oh god, oh god!"

And then there is the fake orgasm during which the woman screams, "oh FLRanger, oh FLRanger!"