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by Ibrahim on 14 December 2009 - 20:12
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."(as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet,eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
by raymond on 14 December 2009 - 20:12
by VomMarischal on 14 December 2009 - 22:12
They are walking through red square in Moscow enjoying an evening stroll together.
The man remarks to his wife that he just felt a spot of rain.
The wife replies “I think you’ll find that it was snow..”
“No” replies the man, “it was definitively rain...”
As is the norm in these situations, amongst happily married couples......
by VomMarischal on 14 December 2009 - 22:12
A row ensues over the trivial matter...
“I think you’ll find it’s rain.....”
“.....and I’m telling you it’s snow!!......
etc.... etc....
The rowing couple attract the attention of one of the KGB Officers guarding the Kremlin.
“My name is Rudolph, I’m an Officer of
by VomMarischal on 14 December 2009 - 22:12
Kremlin, can I help you in any way?” enquires the Russian
The man asks the KGB officer if he would mind settling an argument by stating whether it was rain or snow that was falling?
“Why it is rain of course” states the KGB officer.
“Thank you” replies the man.............
and with a smug grin on his face he leads his wife across the square.......
5 minutes later........ she couldn’t let it lie.......“Well I still think it’s snow!” protests the woman.
by VomMarischal on 14 December 2009 - 22:12
The man replies............
“I think you’ll find that Rudolph The Red knows his rain dear”!!!!!!
by Red Sable on 14 December 2009 - 22:12
by Red Sable on 14 December 2009 - 22:12
by Ibrahim on 14 December 2009 - 22:12
by Ibrahim on 14 December 2009 - 22:12
An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his. They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew. After some time, one said to the other , "If you don't mind my saying so, you don't look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck". "Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee." His friend agreed that was bad luck. The other one continued.
"You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off."
"My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?"
"Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye."
"My, My,(not real sailor talk) did that take your eye out? No, that was the first day I had my hook."
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