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by Krazy Bout K9s on 18 August 2009 - 02:08
Which will give her the new start, when things are settled.
Steph.
by JRANSOM on 18 August 2009 - 11:08
by mobjack on 18 August 2009 - 13:08
It would be nice if things were so simple. But unfortunately it isn't.
I've been working for different charitable organizations for many years. Things just don't work that way, it's a crock of crap IMHO, but it's the truth. A store manager giving away a bag of dog food, even a torn open unsaleable bag is likely to get fired. There are a few churches that do things like basic mechanical work on cars. Once a year or so, they do a "helping hand" type thing and do oil changes and what not but that's about it. Again, money and the biggie, liability. Our lawsuit happy society has folks that would help out too afraid to do so.
I don't think I'd want the intimate details of my life blasted all over the AP wires, I doubt Shelley does either.
Steve1 said it best, we either help the lady, or we do not. Personal choice.
No offense meant, please don't take it as such. You have good, valid questions, but perhaps better discussed off this board in private.
by SitasMom on 18 August 2009 - 14:08
Shelly - YOU ARE VERY BRAVE - do you know how many women just stay and end up dead or worse!
It is terrifying to do what you are doing right now......DO NOT LOOK BACK and especially DO NOT GO BACK.
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Most if not all the legal issues can be done remotely. Get the hell out of his reach, and do it ASAP!
Get to a safe place, get a job, get settled and then hire a lawyer in PA, after phone intervews to hire the lawyer, do everything via Internet...... do you kow anyone who works in cps, or at the court house? ask them for a reference. find the most cut throat bastard of a lawyer you can find. you don't have to like him/her....... that's the one who will get the job done quickly.
Don't worry about any material items.......you will most likely not get them back, if you do, it will be with great physical risk. Its just not worth it. That cut throat lawyer will be your best bet to intimadate your husband and his lawyer...and your best bet to get some of your items back, if they aren't already distroyed...
The legal system will most likely understand that (because of the violence) you feel at risk. First get a restraining order. They will most likely let you do most if not all the stuff at a distance. Give the drunken bastard what ever he wants and start your life over. You have what you need, your life, your health and your dogs. Go back and you might loose all three! (when I went back to get my stuff, my first ex-put a gun to my head). If the divorce issues are settled, a court appearance may not necessary.
I would like to recommend a book called "are you the one for me" by barbara de angelo....... it helped me to understand why I continually settled for toxic men for mates............. well worth the read, but to fully understand you have to do all the exercises.....took me over 3 months...(you have lots of time right now).. finally understanding really helped me to heal and to regain my self-respect and confidence......
by 1doggie2 on 18 August 2009 - 14:08
I started to type what I thought should be her priorities, that is so wrong of me, I am not walking in her shoes.
I have seen up front and close how some of the charites work, very upsetting to me, that is why I only give to salvation army. My first experiance with the RED CROSS really ticked me off. They told us when the camers get there,to stay out of the way, all pr to be handled by them, they flooded the place with Red Cross pr people. then they had us deal with going to the grocery stores and aksing/getting the donations, restraunts for food donations, etc. As soon as the cameras left they all left but 2. when they went on the air, they told them about all the donations/help "they" were making and that they needed money to be sent to the red cross.
A families home burnt down years ago, they showed up and gave them vouchers for a hotel, well when the family went to the hotel they were told they left the program years ago, the cameras had left, and could not get any further help from them, told them sorry. so here they were,no place to sleep, eat.... Red Cross asked for thier donoations on camera!!
I also know of this one guy who has a steady job and makes good money, and he hits his church up twice a year to make his rent payment and they do it! Infurates me, there are people out there who really need help!
by Sam Spade on 18 August 2009 - 17:08
Shelley
I hate to sound heartless, but why are you so unprepared? I have been reading your posts for the last 2 years and i would have thought a grown woman would have had an exit strategy over a year ago. It's not like this guy turned on you like the fabled Doberman, just out of the blue. Like you have said so many times before, "this aint my first rodeo". I think when I first started lurking on here you were being offered a place to stay. AND that was years ago. Don't you have any family? Or friends that will let you bunk with them? If you do, you can go out and look for a job while staying at a relative/friends for free, instead of finding all of this time to waste on a dog messageboard.
I know some of you will be bothered by this, but I'm really curious why this route has been taken. There are probably hundreds of others on here with their own problems. I'm sure some are less extreme and perhaps others are worse. I'm sure there are plenty on here that are unemployed and have their kids to feed, not a dog that gets to go to a concert.
i don't know. Maybe I'm way off. I don't know the whole story or shelley all to well, but I do know that some people take advantage of the generous and blind-hearted. Some don't do it on purpose. Some just get accustomed to putting their hand out. Like I said, where is the family and friends? Seems odd that a person doesn't have 1 family member or friend that is close and one has to rely on people they have never met.
by ShelleyR on 18 August 2009 - 20:08
Actually Sam, I am incarcerated in the State Pen, just making the whole thing up to scam people.
That guy signing autographs in the picture lives in the cell next door, does a great impersonation of a liver transplant recipient. The dog belongs to the Dept of Corrections, searches the inmates for drugs (and cake.) The guy staring at him is his handler. Those are not stage passes on their collars, they are badges.
Trivia-
Approx. 120 "grown women" die at the hands of their abusers in the Commonwealth of PA every year.
You'd think they would have had better exit strategies, wouldn't you?
SS
by DebiSue on 18 August 2009 - 20:08
Too funny Shelley!
I for one am glad you were able to take a break and enjoy yourself.
Escape stategies...sounds like someone has been watching too many movies, eh? Obviously, someone has no clue as to what goes on in this kind of relationship. Ignore him. The rest of us are here for you and are holding you up with kind thoughts and deeds as we are able. No wool over these eyes.
Deb
by raymond on 18 August 2009 - 21:08
by SitasMom on 18 August 2009 - 21:08
A controling narsasistic drunk will make sure that you do not have the means to get away. He will spend every penny you hope to earn on himself and booze. He knows how much you make (to the penny) and watches to see exactly where every penny is spent. He will distroy every friendship made to the point that even your own parents don't want to make contact becasue they may have to deal with him.
It took about 3 months to collect the 43$ with out him knowing. I had to be careful, had he found out, he would have killed me.
The other very important thing to realize is that women tend to internalize this stuff. We think that if only we could be better, everything will be better. We feel that its always our fault.......its what gets us killed.......we want to believe that he will never do it again......its part of our nature.
For me, it will NEVER happen again.......
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