Anyone else heard any good ones lately? - Page 6

Temptation

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car!

LOL

Lol, excellent one

LOL! ANOTHER GOOD ONE! jackie harris

A math teacher texted his wife: You must realize that u are 54 years old & I have needs that u r no longer able to satisfy. By the time u get this text I 'll be @ the Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assist. I'll be home @ midnight. As he gets to the hotel, he got a text that read: U 2 are 54 years old & by the time u get this, I'll be @ a Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Since U R the math wiz, you'll appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up

Credited to my step daughter, Yvonne! LMAO! jackie harris

 

Man in Hospital bed wearing oxygen mask over his mouth. "nurse", he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his gown, holds his (well you know) in one hand and his testicals in the other  she takes a close look and says "There is nothing wrong with them sir."  The man pulls off his oxygen mask smiles at her and says very slowly" thanks for that it was lovely, but listen very very carefully  Are my test results back?"

Heh-heh-heh!  jackie harris

Donnerstorm  

A farmer was selling his peaches door to door.

He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door.

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, 'Would you like to buy some peaches?'

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, 'Are they as firm as this?'

He nodded his head and said, 'Yes ma'am,'' and a little tear ran from his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, 'Are they nice and pink like this?'

The farmer said, 'Yes ma'am' and another tear came from the other eye.

Then she lifted the hem of her negligee and asked, 'Are they as fuzzy as this?'

He again said, 'Yes, ma'am', and broke down crying.

She asked, 'Why on earth are you crying?'

Drying his eyes he replied, 'The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches.'