Liberty "Libby" - Page 2

Thank you everyone for your kind words.  Hexe, thank you for explaining more about the condition (bleeding, etc).  I really felt like I wasn't getting any clear answers and that all my concerns for Libby's health were being dismissed.  I think lack of sleep these past three  nights is making it a bit difficult for me to forgive the vet for her lack of "bed side manner", however your message has made me think.  Libby is the one that all the vet tech's always rave about because she is so sweet and easy to handle.  Falon is the opposite and has many stickers all over her file.  In time I hope I can remember all the great things about Libby, but for now I am haunted by the past few days and what I could've done better.  I took this picture of her yesterday.  My heart just breaks for her.

Dear Renofan, Im sorry for you, i think you made the best,  finally Libby was freed from her suffering.

A big hug.
María

Aw Cheryl, I'm so sorry for yours & Libby's suffering. You did the very best you could, & I'm sure Libby was just glad to have you with her. I am there with you in your pain, as I look down at Kali, totally konked on the meds we're giving her to keep her comfortable. I wonder every minute; is this right? Are we there? Am I doing this for me, or for her? It's tough, but you know in your heart you did what you had to do, like Hexe said, yesterday would have left doubt in your mind, today you were sure. I hope I can retain your presence of mind when Kali tells me it's time. God bless you, Libby is still beautiful, just out of our sight. Hugs, & peace to you. jackie harris

There is NOTHING you could have done better, because there is NOTHING that you didn't do for her that was humanly OR medically possible.  The only 'better' that could be done would be for it to have not ever happened, and if any one us could give that to you and her, I'm sure it would be done.

This picture makes me sad as well, because when you compare it with the one up top, it's a different dog...the fire in her eyes is dimming in this one, and I'd be lying if I tried to say it wasn't.  But taken in context--she was healthy in the first one, and owning the ocean and the shoreline, and she's not in this one... I have to honestly say that she looks far better than I expected, even with the shaved belly and flank (which automatically makes a GSD look pathetic...ours are not a poodlely breed where clipping coat is flattering). 

Put this picture away for now, Cheryl, and keep the one up top where you can look at it all the time...because THAT is a picture of Liberty in total, with her spirit fully charged.  This picture is a tired Libby, whose flame is tapering down; but it is not of Libby in pain, and I promise you that I would tell you if it was. She's tired, yes, and she's concerned, yes, because she knows that YOU'RE concerned and upset and emotionally in pain...but the Libby I see in this picture is not hurting. Just tired, and worried about you.

As for the vet, it's absolutely MUCH too soon to not be resentful and hurt and angry at how she handled *her* emotional difficulties with Libby's illness...and you need to feel that for a while yet, to sit with it like a cat in your lap, because it's not wrong for you to feel that way.  There's no excusing how she made you feel, despite there being a reason for why she was doing it...reason does not equal excusable. 

It's always hard when we have to let them go, but I think this is harder than you'd expected because this wasn't what you'd been preparing yourself for--you'd been working on having to deal with DM stealing Libby's mobility from her slowly and insidiously, and instead this condition swept in and literally overnight robbed her of the spark that was her essence.  A physical blow with a two-by-four to the head wouldn't have been as forceful to your mind, body and soul as this has been...so just wrap this grief around you for a while, and remember that at the core of it, it is only because she was such a part of you that your sorrow is so deep. We only mourn that which we love.  She could not have asked for a better person to love her than the one who did.

Run free Libby.  Cheryl, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the happier memories will outweigh the one of her last few days.  You did the right thing, and Libby was fortunate to have you as her advocate and loving companion.
 ((((hugs)))), Jane

Renofan2 I am soooo sorry......at least she had a great life and someone who loved her was with her till the end....our thoughts are with you....and we are full of opinions on what your next puppy should be when ever you are ready to ask this forum.... :)

Oh dear, I am so very sorry, how bitter the blows you and Libby have been dealt.  Fate can be a cruel thing, when you are looking one way it comes at you from another.

You have done everything right, I think had you acted a day sooner you would not have known a moment’s peace, forever wondering whether you may have been premature. You did not cause Libby any distress in the process. You had just a little more time together, a little more time to know it was right, and to prepare for your goodbyes – both of you.
Keep that wonderful photo of Libby in the Ocean somewhere you can see it every day, and remember her at the top of her game, enjoying life to bursting, with her spirit ablaze.

The cytology report came back as blood, so I will never know what happened to Libby.  The vet said the bleeding from her rectum could be unrelated.  I was hoping for some sort of diagnosis so that I could come to terms with my decision. 

I found out a littermate of Libby's became sick this week.  Similar symptoms.  His owner was taking him to the vet today, however I have not heard back yet. 

Ladyfrost:  I have 3 other gsd's, so won't be getting a pup soon.  Here are pic's of the four of them.  Wish I would have taken more of them together, but you always figure you have more time.

Jackie:  I feel for you.  You have a difficult time ahead.  I hope you get to have some quality time with Kali.  I am sending prayers her way.

Thank you everyone.  Your kind words have been a comfort during a very difficult time.


Cheryl

Cheryl,

So sorry for your loss.  They are never here long enough.  Remember the good times.  Rest in Peace sweet Libby.

Lyn

Cheryl, Libby's pathology report is not uncommon from a splenic hemangiosarcoma, which renders the tissue of the spleen so friable that it's difficult to actually harvest any actual organ tissue in a biopsy.  This, combined with the clinical signs you observed and the speed with which Libby's health deteriorated, would point to Libby having developed hemangiosarcoma (HSA) as opposed to a form of lymphoma or some other type of illness.  I know it doesn't help much, but there really wasn't anything you could have done or should have done to prevent her from developing it, and as their owners, when we make that decision to help our dogs leave here, we have to be absolutely sure there's nothing else we can do to make things better for them , either at that point or at any time thereafter...because we can't reverse the decision once we set it in motion.  There are dogs who develop HSA, and the spleen starts hemorrhaging and the dog feels awful, is weak and doesn't want to eat...and then the hemorrhaging slows down enough or even stops, and the dog feels almost 100% a day later.  But even in those cases, this action might play out once, twice, maybe even three times...and at some point, the hemorrhaging doesn't stop, and the dog doesn't improve the following day anymore.  If Libby had shown improvement after you canceled that first appointment, or if she'd even just not have felt any worse than the day before, then giving her yet another day would have made sense.  But that's not what was happening...you saw that she was feeling worse than she had the day before, and you made the right call at the right time. 

I know it doesn't feel like it, because it broke your heart to do it, but it is part of the price we have to pay to share our lives with them...