Share a chuckle - Page 7

Here are nine comments made during the Summer Olympics that those who said them would like to take back:
 
1. Weightlifting commentator: This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.
 
2. Dressage commentator: This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.
 
3. Gymnast:: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.
 
4. Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.
 
5. Softball announcer: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.
 
6. Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it.. In fact you can see it all over their faces.
 
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.
 
8. Soccer commentator: Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.
 
9. Tennis commentator: One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?

LOL!!!

I am an equal opportunity offender of politicians/Democrats/Republicans when it comes to humor.

Having posted an image making fun of Hillary and Bill Clinton which doubtless would have appealed to most Republicans, here is one that should amuse Democrats! I thought it was very funny!!

                                                                            

RETIRED HUSBAND

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from   the local Target:
Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.

We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to band both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris,are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House Wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in House Wares. Get on it right  away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a        Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a  bag of M&Ms on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if        they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just        leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department,he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.

13.October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,   waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

 

ROFLMA

THE OLD LADY IN COURT
--------
Your honor, I am 86 years old.

So here I am,sitting there on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sits beside me.

He starts to rub my thigh, and it feels good, Your Honor. So I don't stop him, and he begins to rub my old breasts, Your Honor.

Why, Your Honor, I haven't felt that good in years! So I just spread my old legs and say to him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"

He yelled, "April Fool" and that's when I shot the Son of a Bitch