Anyone else heard any good ones lately? - Page 14

 

A married couple in their early 60s were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary, in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny, yet beautiful, fairy appeared on their table. She said, ''For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.''

... The wife answered, ''Oh, I want to travel around the world with... my darling husband''...
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: ''Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me!''
The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old!

The moral of this story:
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Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember that fairies are female......

 

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony? She is the one who can eat the last donut!

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 84). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colours; green, red, orange and blue.

My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked: What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?
Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing that he would have a good one.

And in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response: Got stoned once and f##ked a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.

lol that was wtty.

RS - very funny.

I love it!

                                                                 

OH my goodness KTF, where do you find this stuff? LOL

RS, I am part of a private distribution list that shares these jokes. I save the better ones.

I have a whole bunch of these but I have to filter them because some are political - and I refrain from posting these because I don't want the thread to end up getting into a pissing contest depending on people's political leanings. Then there are those that have a racial or ethnic component - not sure how they would be viewed. Others are sexist to varying degrees - I occasionally post these.

Some are funny and bizarre like the one I posted above.

Pretty funny!  I've been sharing a few, and they've been a big hit.  Thanks for sharing them with us.