My Heart is Breaking - Page 2

It sounds so silly, but I took pictures of my girl's paw pads, of her fluffy fur on her back legs, of her eyelashes, her teeth, inside of her ears, & she patiently allowed this, but I couldn't bear the thought of not seeing & touching every little bit of her. I still haven't wiped the smudges her nose left on my car's rear window off; 'cause I can look at them in the mirror & feel like she's still with me in some small way. It gets easier after a little time to pretend you're OK so you can go about your day, I must go to work, but the grief does not go away. I can't read threads like this without weeping. It still feels very raw. I'm so sorry, there is no easy way to go through this. Just remember that your boy is worth it, worth every tear, every ache of your heart. Hugs to you, jackie harris

Jackie, it most certainly does NOT sound silly.  Every single thing done in celebration and memorialization of the bond shared with a loved one is extraordinary, because it is rooted in absolute love and devotion. The last place on earth you should fear your photos of Kali would be trivialized is someplace like this, among others who have known the same joys and sorrows you shared with your girl. I'm glad you took those pictures, and I'll bet when you look at them, it brings back the feel of her fur and her paw pads on your fingertips...and in those minutes, your heart aches just a *tiny* bit less and you feel her there with you.

i Read this crying because i know how it feels. and it reminds me of my boy, it truely is amazing the love our dogs have for us and the loyalty and it is truely heartbreaking when your best friend and partner isnt there. but it is better than their suffering or making them hold on for what we dont want to let go. i know how you feel and im sure Everyone here will gladly listen if you have to rant or cry we all know how it feels. im very happy your boy lived soo long specialy for a dane. Treue was diagnosed at 3 with lymphoma it was determined due to the breeder her 16 year old son and other dogs on the property not all shepherds they where all exposed to radioactive fallout from a 20 year old power plant leak that was still contaiminating the soil.  but yes i did take a peice of fur from his neck i have a peice of fur from all of my dogs who have passed and a clipping of mane from my horses. its kind of a momento like kalis pictures and nose prints. just like my boys collar hangs above my bead. but you are making the right decision even tho it may feel soo wrong.

My beloved Max died las t night. He did not go without help, but his condition warrented loving him enough to help him along on this journey he has to face. We carried him half way to my van. He was so heavy, and breathing so hard. I was shocked beyond belief, when we laid him down to rest a moment, he sat up. For the first time in 5 days, he sat up, on his own. My husband picked up & supported his back and I held his collar, walking him with our support, and all the dignity he could muster, walking to the van on his own. When we arrived, our vet came out to our car. I laid down beside him in the back, and I loved him and held him, just like we had done together for his entire life. He was calm, much more than me. I felt like my heart was going to explode, right out of my chest. I couldn't breathe, I could not think. I wanted to tell the vet to stop, I changed my mind. I wanted to tell her to go get midicine to fix him, not kill him. Then I looked into his eyes, and I knew that he knew. He asked me to let go, and I suppose that was the last thing I could do for him, and the only thing he ever asked of me. This morning, I cannot look around without the tears welling up. I cannot get in the van. I thought I cried all I had, but it seems not. The world does not look the same to me. It does not feel the same. My friend owns Unforgettable Pets, a pet crematorium. She held Max as if he were hers. She tried to comfort me, but no one can, really. I want to turn the clock back. I want to change my mind. I want him back. How long does it take before your heart begins to feel less pain? DOes anyone know?

I'm sorry Deb. It's never easy letting them go, but it must be done when things get tough. It gets easier, but only you can tell in what amount of time. It gets easier knowing you did all you could for him and you gave Max a good life. It'll be hard for a while, but it does get easier, I promise. I still find myself looking for a dog I had to put down some years back. He'll always be in your thoughts and that's what is important.

they live forever in your heart and the pain never goes away completely.  over time, you can begin to focus more on the good times
and not so much on the ending.  that's when you know you are beginning to heal.  <3  :)
pjp

My heart goes out to you, I lost my Reef to this 5 years ago - in 25mins from onset of symptoms to having to give him sleep.  He was only 8 I was utterly devastated.   Hemangiosarcoma is a nasty horrible silent killer.  Run free at the Bridge max

It feels like it never gets any better, you just learn how to hide it better. I still look for my girl, that's why your thread title was so shocking to me. I had all the same emotions, a voice inside me was screaming, No! Save her! as I held her head and she took her last agonal breaths. I keep reliving those last 2 days in my head, & looking for her. I look for her everywhere. I just expected to have more time with her,  & my heart can't believe she's gone, & it's been since February. I wish you peace, but it's very hard to find. jackie harris

I lost my heart-dog Onyx to hemangiosarcoma I didn't catch in time. Probably the most painful event in my life. Run free at the bridge Max.